Posted by Livin' the Dream on May 12, 2009 at 12:40 am
Filed under Chill out, College, Cool, Crazy, Drinking, Forget about it, Funny, Inspirational, LMFAO, Party, Seriously?!?!?
Hello All,
In an effort to add unique and useful content to this site I have decided to create a “How to… “series. I understand that there are plenty of places to go on the web to for this type of information; however I believe that the information that I plan to post will truly be “unique” to a majority of the users who read it. With that being I said I will write my first “How to…” article:
*Please note: All of my How to… articles are written from personal experiences. Seriously!
How to do a Class Presentation… WASTED!
Required Materials:
- Must Be 21 yrs old* Do not attempt this unless you are at least 21 years old
- College Classroom that is walking distance from your home or apt.
- Group Presentation
- Care Free Attitude
- Breathe Mints or Gum
- Shot Glass
- Bottle of Taaka Vodka
Taaka Vodka as close as you can get to Grey Goose for $6.50
Now that you know everything that is required for this to work I will give you step by step instructions:
Step 1: Wake up @ 7 am. Drive to nearest liquor store. Purchase a fifth of Taaka Vodka.
Step 2: Drive Home. Take out a Shot glass. Pour the Vodka into the shot glass. Drink shot. Gag a little. Then shake it off.
Step 3: Pour a Second Shot. Turn on the shower. Contemplate what the hell you are doing. Then take the shot.
Step 4: Take your shower. Dry off. Pour Third Shot. Feel the warm alcohol soothe your empty stomach.
Step 5: Get dressed for your presentation. Pour 2 more shots. Wait for your friend to get there to take a shot with you and then walk to class. Est. wait time 15 mins.
Step 6: Friend says no to shot. Take both shots yourself. Pour one for the walk to class. Drink last shot just before stepping onto school property. Put shot glass in back pocket.
Step 7: Don’t talk to anybody. Take Breathe mint. Walk into class like normal. Don’t trip on the front row of desks.
Step 8: Go up to the front of the class when your group is called. Take your place. Try not to sway back and forth and don’t mention to your group how wasted you are in front of teacher.
Step 9: Try to give the presentation without slurring your words. Take questions. Yell at the “smart ass” girl in the front of the class who is asking the most ridiculous questions in the world because she actually read the book and listened to the presentation.
Step 10: Calmly answer any question your professor may have. Leave the class with an “A”!
I truly hope this is helpful to anyone who would need more information on: “How to do a Class Presentation… WASTED!”
Enjoy!
Posted by numbertwo on April 8, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Filed under College, Drinking
Hello, this is my first post here. Due to a series of disgustingly unfortunate - but completely natural - events, my nickname is numbertwo. Well, now that I’ve introduced you to the shady underbelly (or is that underbottom?) of my nickname, I must say it’s a pleasure to be writing for you.
Caution: This story contains many illegal acts, which may or may not be true. If you are bothered by the violation of the law, please stop reading now.
While I was still in college in my younger days, I, like much of the student body, enjoyed partaking in alcoholic drinks. This particular story involves four primary people (whose names have been changed for anonymity): Alex, who was a model and a druggie; Rich, who likes the Simpsons and is known for his off-the-wall goofiness; Jess, who was a pothead and hip-hop head alike; and Sheila, the hostess of this gathering.
There were probably about 10 people at the shindig, and we were all enjoying some drinks that Alex’s bartender friend had been preparing for us. Of course, Rich, Jess, Alex and I thought these fruity shots were terribly weak, so we started taking shots of Southern Comfort. After about 5 shots each, and hanging around for another 15 minutes, Jess declared that he needed to go home. Rich, feeling completely fine, volunteered to drive and I went along with them.
The 5-mile drive back to Jess’s house was quite vivid: we were bumping to theme songs from “Rescue Rangers,” “Duck Tales” and “Magnum P.I.” all the way over there and having a grand old time. After dropping off Jess, Rich and I decided we needed more alcohol. But ho, what’s this? We’re 19-year olds with out a fake I.D. What should we do?
We decided that we should go to Ralphs and try to buy some beer, and pull one of those “I forgot my ID” deals if we got carded. But of course when we got to Ralphs, we totally chickened out because to be honest, we were starting to feel the effects of the SoCo. We were so close, yet so far away! All this beer at our fingertips but completely inaccessible. So now what do we do?
Easy! Drink beer inside Ralphs!
So there we were, hanging out in the back of Ralphs, one person keeping lookout while the other person swigged beer. Completely exhilerating and stupid at the exact same time. In the end, we drank about 3 bottles of beer before we got the hell out of there and headed back to Sheila’s house.
The drive back to Sheila’s was a complete blur but somehow we made it to her street. We parked down the street but then realized that we had no idea which one was her house! I’m not sure if we were just completely blitzed at that point or if it was just dark but we were calling Sheila on our cell phones and walking around yelling trying to find her.
Whew! We got a hold of Sheila and friends and they were going to come outside and try to find us!
Oh no, Rich has collapsed on the grass!
In his drunken stupor, Rich fell down on the grass in front of one of the houses on the street. In my drunken stupor, I felt a surge of heroism flow through me - I’ll save you Rich!
I grabbed the hose from the house and insisted that Rich start drinking some water. He wouldn’t get up from the ground so ultimately, I was just watering his face. And then, the Gods smiled upon us - Sheila and some other ladies from the house came and found us. I remember the walk back, but that’s all I remember.
I woke up on a couch around noon the next day from the sun shining in my eyes. I wondered where I was for a bit, until slowly, the previous night’s activities came back to me. I couldn’t help but feel embarassed because all 4 of Sheila’s female roommates had seen me konked out all morning.
And then, there was the proverbial cherry on top - there was my big toe (some cherry, huh?) looking up at me from a hole in my sock. It’s all good though, because I ended up dating one of those girls for a bit. But to this day, I will never drink Southern Comfort again.
Posted by Livin' the Dream on March 31, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Filed under Chill out, College, Cool, Crazy, Drinking, Funny, Party, Uncategorized
Hello Everyone,
I have a wonderful story to tell about how effective marketing can be when you have the correct demographic, but a sub-par product.
As a naive bunch of college students (myself included) began our weekend ritual of beer pong, flip cup, quarters and any other drinking game that gave us a reason to drink more. We came to eventually realize that Keystone Light was not that great of a beer, but it was cheap and easily attainable. As we finished our first 30 pack of the day; we found a very compelling reason to buy another 30 pack of Keystone Light and it was explicitly displayed on the box “Hunt for limited edition Orange Cans”. With this being read outloud to 6 buzzed college kids, we decided that our goal was to find a Limited Edition Orange Can. We figured we would just continue to buy 30 packs of Keystone until we got an orange can and then move on to a more quality beer. Well, Keystone had us hook, line and sinker. After about 3 weekends of buying 10-14 30 packs; we began to think that this was just a marketing ploy and there was no such thing as an orange can.
This is from one night in Pursuit of the infamous orange can!
Continue to more »
